357 Days

After four modes of transit (rental car, tram, plane and Uber) in a single day, I returned from SF on Wednesday night. The deplaning process is always a test of patience. I am working on my aggression towards slow-moving pedestrians—east coast habits die hard.

Thursday brought me to the office. I had a Japanese lunch with a coworker and then met a COI for afternoon tea. I fired off emails and meeting invites before signing off. My partner and I walked all over town and had leftover Thai for dinner. I finished the season finale of Palm Royale. I am embarrassed to admit that I didn't make the James Bond connection (despite an obvious reference in the opening credits) until far into the second season.

This morning, I awoke with a start—the clock read 8:40am. I had set an alarm for 6:45am (I normally wake up naturally before then), assuming that I could sleep in but would need to be up by 6:45am. As they say, the best laid plans are bound to fail. I had life coaching and we discussed:

• how I was feeling after last session when I was exhibiting symptoms of 1-more-year-syndrome (in this case, delaying my travels for another year)
• how my identity development was going (identities include: writer, creator, artist, photographer, non-corporate human/regular person, adventurer)
• what happened with the higher paid job I was entertaining
  • This particular position would have required studying for (and passing) three financial exams over the summer. Conservatively, I would've been paid about $50k more (base and bonus included).

The best thing about life coaching is that I get to talk about myself. The worst thing about life coaching is that if I have not stuck to my self-commitments then my flounder-ings are witnessed by another person. My life coach said she, "Approves of my plan and is very proud of me." Though I don't need it to survive, the validation still feels incredible.

I learned lessons from declining a higher paid job. Authenticity has been my focus for a year. I experienced a perpetual identity crisis and tension between the corporate baddie self and the creative adventurer self.

In the past, I made career decisions that were up and to the right. Ambition was, and still is, the greatest virtue and the quality that earns the most respect in my line of work. However, early in my career I promised myself that I wouldn't take a job simply for financial gain. While I make a wonderful salary now, it definitely feels like I could make more. This was the exact conundrum young me flagged to future me as a danger zone. I've learned that with higher pay comes higher expectations—for politicking, performance and energy. I will incite the boiling frog adage where the increases in pay/status at work create a slow burn. Before I knew it I was bursting into flames (more about my entire life story in another post).

I am glad i turned the job down because I made that decision with integrity. I honored the values of my past and current self. Now, I have the summer to relax and play outside with my husband. I won't be stressed and pressed to study for exams when it's 80 and sunny. I will have more time to develop my writing and photography skills. I will maintain the work/life balance I've created. And that seems priceless.