340 Days

One Gear Left

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340 Days

Monday hunted me down found me cowering again. Over the last week, I've been lounging in perfect leisure by rivers and majestic outdoor landscapes. This morning, public transportation will jolt and disturb me. One can romanticize a NYC commute (though I have heard folks throw themselves in front of trains; which makes sense since the cars don't move fast enough for effective impact). Woof. The dark wolf is with me today.

I resolve to count down Mondays until my departure date since there are less of them. Over my vacation, I reflected on the headaches I've been getting around 2pm every day; incited my work and my general malaise for the condition of "work." It may be helpful to describe this ailment, as others may identify symptoms and seek treatment.

Overview

What is Chronic Resignation Ideation (CRI)?

Chronic Resignation Ideation, or CRI, is when you feel generally horrific about the prospect of visiting your place of work. It's somewhere between a feeling of open hostility and brooding dissatisfaction for the activity of keyboard slamming. You may not feel well enough to take a sick day, but you do fantasize about submitting your two weeks' notice every morning on the commute.

Virtually everyone in corporate America experiences CRI at least constantly throughout their working years. It's typically because of turning 30 and realizing that all your friends are handcuffed to their desks to pay a mortgage and snorkel in Hawaii once a decade. This illness is extremely common and the symptoms are easy to identify.

People with CRI report feeling:

  • an aversion to Mondays
  • total body physical pain while on Zoom calls
  • volatile bouts of seething rage when checking email
  • intermittent daydreaming about the future
  • rumination on self-sabotaging employment
  • hopelessness when contemplating the age of retirement
  • unresponsive to compensatory offers

Possible Causes

What can cause the Chronic Resignation Ideation?

Chronic Resignation Ideation (CRI) is a very specific disease affecting high-earners who sold their sold for RSUs and submit to a 5-day in office culture. They often reside around metropolitan areas, despite a love of serenity and the outdoors. Symptoms of the CORPORATE CONDITION can arise as early as offer acceptance, or be delayed until one is halfway through a relocation contract and must pay $5,000 upon exit of the workforce. Conditions that can cause the CRI are as follows:

  • a strong history of striving and overachievement
  • subscribing to alternate lifestyles
  • adopting travel FI after defecting from the cultish FIRE movement
  • diminishing expectations for the American Dream
  • your Saturn returning between the ages of 27 - 29
  • the realization that unless you change your life now, then your destiny is a 40-year career and little rich life experience to show for it

Care and Treatment

How is the Chronic Resignation Ideation treated?

  • taking a travel sabbatical and then never returning to a corporate job
  • paying for a life coach to hold you accountable to your exit strategy
  • drafting letters of resignation when the urge to quit consumes you and then destroying them
  • discussing work-life balance with your peers who do not live in corporate hell
  • traveling the world to gain perspective on both the financial prosperity and creative bankruptcy of the US

Can the Chronic Resignation Ideation be prevented?

Experts are positive that this condition can be prevented by declining corporate job offers requiring indoor, computer-based work and adopting another culture outside the US that values leisure time and mental wellness.

When to Submit Your Notice

When should the Chronic Resignation Ideation be treated by a guru or mental health professional?

You should seek help if the severity of your Sunday Scaries worsens throughout the course of your career. If the accumulation of wealth begins to feel inane, then it's time to seek radical advice. Those who have successfully recovered from the CORPORATE CONDITION most often become dirtbags, writers, dog trainers and world-travelers.

I did ask Claude to compile a list of conditions and they're worth sharing. I've underlined my favorites:

Clinical/Medical-Sounding

  • Occupational Compliance Syndrome (OCS)
  • Chronic Hierarchical Deference Disorder (CHDD)
  • Acquired Institutional Conformity (AIC)
  • Progressive Autonomy Deficit (PAD)
  • Bureaucratic Ossification Disease (BOD)

Descriptive/Epidemiological

  • Workplace Personality Atrophy
  • Ambient Managerial Influence Disorder
  • Late-Stage Professional Conditioning
  • Chronic Meeting Exposure Syndrome

Subtle/Dry

  • Benign Corporate Enculturation
  • Adult-Onset Professionalism

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